Milwaukee’s Sister City Looks More Like an In-Law… And Her Parents Still Hate You
Milwaukee’s never-ending quest for Big City status reached new heights on Tuesday when Mayor Tom Barrett inked a Sister City deal with his counterpart from Carora, Venezuela.
In most cases I would cheer such a move. Sister City programs are an admirable (if a bit silly) way of encouraging respect and mutual understanding. The only prerequisite is that the cities share a familiar character and heritage, or at least a shared perspective and common goals—otherwise they couldn’t be called, you know, sisters.
And that’s part of the reason why Milwaukee’s latest Sister City pact is so ridiculous: Milwaukee and Carora share virtually no similarities—demographic, cultural or otherwise. Let’s look at a few stats:
Founded
Milwaukee: 1846
Carora: 1572
Population
Milwaukee: 596,974 (2000)
Carora: 83,000 (2001)
Architecture
Milwaukee: European Renaissance
Carora: Spanish Colonial
Economy
Milwaukee: Manufacturing
Carora: Agriculture
Hmm… Still, what’s so bad about a little cultural exchange, you ask? Nothing, so long as it’s honest. And I don’t see anything honest about this statement from the Venezuelan consulate in Chicago: “Agreements such as this one complement the traditional relationships between countries led by federal governments at the national level.”
Um, what relationship? Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez has repeatedly trashed and excoriated the United States, once calling former President George W. Bush “the devil” and just a few days ago referring to President Barack Obama as a “poor ignorant person.”
I would not consider these very good ways to complement traditional relationships.
Nonetheless, Carora Mayor Edgardo Carrasco repeated the official line during a Sister City ceremony at Milwaukee City Hall. “President Chavez always values relations with other countries and people getting to know each other,” Carrasco said, according to the Journal Sentinel. “Our governments may have differences, but that doesn’t offset our countries’ abilities to know each other.”
As long as Chávez is in office, I think it’s fair to assume that our countries’ abilities to know each other are rather limited—especially since Chávez recently persuaded his countrymen to eliminate presidential term limits. Essentially, Chávez is now a de facto President For Life.
Perhaps Barrett didn’t know that when he made this remark at the Sister City ceremony: “Political leaders come and go, but at the local, grassroots level there’s still the ability as human beings for us to make the world better.”
I somehow doubt that Chávez, just like this Sister City agreement, will go anywhere—or make anything better—anytime soon.
Beckoned by this weekend’s mild weather, I took a stroll outside and was heartened by the number of fellow Milwaukeeans I encountered on the winding paths along Lake Michigan. Couples, dog walkers, runners—it was as if we were collectively evading winter’s grasp and orientating our internal solar panels.
In other words, it was a pleasant day and I felt like dawdling. This is probably why I paused to admire one of the statues in Juneau Park—learning a few things about the city in the process. A short distance later I stopped to look at another one. Then I stopped at another… and another…
Statue of Solomon Juneau
Then it hit me: There are a lot of statues in this city (a true epiphany, I know). I mean, they’re freakin’ everywhere, as if someone once decreed that all public spaces shall contain a monument. There are enough to make Saddam Hussein jealous.
So this summer, I thought it would be fun to document on this blog as many Milwaukee monuments as I can find. Lame idea? Probably. A waste of time? Probably not. There are more than a few interesting stories encased in those oft-neglected bronze and marble structures.
Some of these stories, if not most, have been grossly romanticized. Many reflect periods of ignorance, prejudice and ethnocentrism. But there are also heady tales of exploration, courage and cunning (they didn’t make statues for just anyone) that are worthy of admiration.
Every Milwaukee monument provides a tiny glimpse into the history, progress and aspirations of our civilization.* And I think they deserve another, thoughtful look.
* Except for The Fonz. I’ll leave it to future generations to sort through that mess.
Something happened yesterday afternoon. Something I haven’t experienced in what feels like a lifetime. Something strange. Something wonderful. I saw—can it really be true? I saw legs.
That’s right. Legs.
I’ve often suspected they were there… hidden, waiting. But I returned to Milwaukee in November and they’ve since been out of sight, out of mind. Yet they must have been calling, because some unseen force compelled me to take the city streets home from work yesterday. Cruising up Wisconsin Avenue past Marquette University, there they were: legs—LEGS! A bunch of them, actually, in groups, flocks, packs and pods. Sure, they were pasty white and rather undefined—but they were there. I saw them. They exist.
This got me thinking, what other mysterious and exotic wonderments await me in this city? The fairer sex is apparently capable of changing into their summertime wares faster than Superman in a phone booth. Truly, their power is limitless.
As is spring.
Somebody should lose their job over Wisconsin’s new tourism logo:
I’d start with Sarah Klavas, the tourism department’s brand manager, who pissed away $50,000 on the new slogan and logo. Then I’d axe the entire creative team at Red Brown Klé, the downtown Milwaukee marketing firm that developed this dreadful cliché. Heck, let’s get of the rid of governor, too, for insulting our intelligence with this statement: “No matter how people come in contact with Wisconsin, they’ll know precisely what we stand for in this state.”
We should expect more from our public officials.
Driving around in Milwaukee, I’m always missing turns because I couldn’t find a street sign. It’s maddening. Between this and the city’s indecipherable (sometimes contradictory) parking signage, I sometimes wonder if the entire Department of Public Works has been off-shored to Bangalore. Or maybe there is no Public Works Department at all. I mean, has anyone actually ever seen it? For all we know, the building could be filled with empty Summerfest cups. Or hamsters.
To wit:
This image is looking south at the intersection of State Street & Van Buren Street. See that one-way sign pointing to the right? A reasonable person would conclude that State is a one-way street, so you shouldn’t turn left. That reasonable person, it turns out, would be quite . . . WRONG!
Looking left, we can see that turning is perfectly acceptable (note the yellow centerline and parked cars). At this intersection, State is only a one-way if you turn right—an irrelevant fact to most drivers. So the way I see it, this one-way sign does nothing to serve the public interest or improve the flow of traffic. It’s simply misleading.
To remedy the situation, I am issuing the following proclamation in the strongest possible words: DPW, tear down this sign!
